he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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