Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
