I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
