how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
