I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
