Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
