Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
