Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
