I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
