New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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