dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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