Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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