You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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