I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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