i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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