It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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