also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
