I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
