I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
