I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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