Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
