his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
