My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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