so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Randomize
