a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
