It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
