I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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