Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
