Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
