I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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