The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Randomize
