who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
