she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
