Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
