you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
