Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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