dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
