Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
