She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
