Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize