there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
