It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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