i barfeds in our rink
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
