I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His nipple licking is glorious
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