So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
