Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
