I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
