I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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