Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
