the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
