nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
