omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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