I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
