She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
