he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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