Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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