Plan B is the new Plan A
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
