If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My bed smells like the plague
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
