'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
