Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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