I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
