you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
