So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
