people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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