i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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