A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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