She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
