see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize