i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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