when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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