So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
