Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
