My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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