Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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