How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
