Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
