watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
