you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
