seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
