Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
