Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
