There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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