Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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