I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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