It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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