If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
