oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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