you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize