I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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