No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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