So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
