Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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