Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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