I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
