Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
