I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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