i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
