I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
