my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
