How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize