K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
