he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
