then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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