Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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