that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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