We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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