Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
