omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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